Gonna Fly Now

Just got back from dinner with some friends here in Philadelphia. I'm carbo-loaded and ready to go. My fifth full marathon is roughly 10 hours away.

I'm not satisfied with how my training went this time around. But, I guess who ever really is when going for a marathon? There's always more you could've done, ways you could've been better, areas you could've improved.

In the past 18 weeks, I've logged 303 miles, which is, oh, about 200+ miles short of where I wanted to be over that same time period. But, I got the key long runs in, did squeeze in speedwork and certainly have experience on my side.

Last night, I had an odd dream. First off, I was late to the start of the marathon. I bolted to the line and had to sort through my goodie bag (the one you pick up at the expo) to find my bib number and timing chip. Then I darted off to run the race, long after it had started.

The next thing I remember... was not being able to remember if I ever finished. It was like I woke up from a dream, in my dream (or from a blackout in my dream?) and I had no memory of my finish. I remembered starting, but not crossing the finish line. I'm sure some psychiatrist would analyze the heck out of that.

What does it mean to me?

Well, it means the obvious: that this is the most unsure I've been about a race. I'm still fighting some heel pain in my left foot, my training was not as good as it should've been and I'm a little over my race weight. That said, the "injury" only hurts when walking, not when running, I trained decent enough and have tons of experience, and I've completed one marathon at a heavier weight.

So I fully expect to cross the finish line tomorrow. I just am not sure about setting a new PR, which I've done in each marathon I've run. I'll go out at a solid pace -- one that puts me on target for a 3:30-45 finish -- and see where that gets me. If I finish under 4 hours, I can walk away happy with how I performed. If I beat the 3:43 I put up in Tampa, fantastic. If not? Well, hey, I ran another marathon and that should be enough to bring me satisfaction.

The problem is, if I ever was satisfied, I wouldn't keep running marathons.

I keep coming back because I am hooked on the feeling you get when you complete one, and I'm also hooked on trying to get better each time. Whether or not I do set a new personal best, at least I'll be better for following through with this one. That's one thing I do take pride in, that I am going ahead with this daunting task when it'd be easy to throw in the towel.

Now that I've got that all out of my system, it's time to get some sleep. I've got a marathon in the morning.

~JB